Displaying items 1 - 25 of 64
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mare 1: naku mare ang gaganda ng mga anak mo!!
mare 2: talaga mare!! hay naku!! kung asawa ko lang ang inasahan ko, hindi mangyayari yan |
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Attorney: Ilan beses ka ni-rape ng akusado?
Babae: Tatlo po.
Akusado: Dalawa lang, hoy!
Babae: Bakit? Di kasali yung nasa ibabaw ako? |
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How are tornadoes and marriages alike?
They both begin with a lot of sucking and blowing and in the end you lose your house! |
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MD: Sir Bangag, e-examinin ko ang prostate nyo, kaya ipapasok ko sa puet nyo isang daliri ko.
Bangag: Dalawa na ipasok mo, para may second opinion! |
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A woman’s body has 4 rooms
-- Show room
-- Play room
-- Storeroom
-- Men’s room! |
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Caller: Bangag, ano pong tawag sa pagitan ng vagina at puwit?
Bangag: Ang sagot dyan ay PATEROS!
Caller: Bakit po?
Bangag: Dahil dyan ang bagsakan ng itlog! |
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Man and woman after sex:
Woman: Bakit kuha mo picture ng flower ko?
Man: Ipapasikat ko sa friends ko. Bakit ikaw naman, kuha mo picture ng bird ko?
Woman: Wala, ipapa-enlarge ko lang! |
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Dying Old Man: Ako lapit na patay, ikaw sabi na totoo, sino ama bunso natin? Sobla pangit niya, kaiba sa 12 kapatid niya!
Wife: Wag ka galit ha? Siya lang tunay anak mo! |
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Friends are like underwear – they are a comfort.
Good friends are like condoms – they protect you.
Great friends are like viagra – they lift you up when you are down. |
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Judge: When you were raped, did you call for help?
Victim: Yes, your Honor!
Judge: Well, did anybody come?
Victim: Oh, yes! your Honor. First he come then I come three times! |
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| May isang intsik na sa sobrang hilig sa karaoke ay inabot ng 5 am. Dahil sa takot mabugbog ni misis, nag-text ng: ‘HUWAG KA BAYAD RANSOM. AKO NAKATAKAS. UWI NA KO.’ |
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Husband: Parati na lang tayo away. Maghiwalay na lang tayo!
Wife: Sigi, maghati tayo ng mga anak.
Husband: Akin ang mga guwapo at maganda.
Wife: Sus! Pinili pa yung hindi sa kanya! |
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Friend: Wow, Pare, ganda ng shoes mo, ah!
Husband: Oo, surprise gift ng kumare mo.
Friend: Surprise? Ano ang okasyon?
Husband: Wala, nakita ko na lang sa ilalim ng kama namin! |
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Little Girl: Mom, I just found out that the boy next door has a penis like a peanut.
Mom: You mean, it’s small?
Little Girl: No, it’s salty! |
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| An elephant asks the camel, why do you have boobs on your back? The camel responds, what a silly question from someone with a big penis on his face! |
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Pinapili ako sa dalawa: kaibigan o pera?
Siempre pinili kita. May pera ka naman, di ba? |
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Customer to barber: What can you suggest to cure my baldness?
Barber: Just put on female juice on you head!
Customer: But you are balder than me!
Barber: But look at my mustache! |
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| The Pope ordered: Females should not use contraceptives and males should not use condoms. A shapely lady got up and said, “Well, if you don’t play the game, don’t make the rules! |
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The secret life is GOD!
The secret of happiness is GIVING!
The secret of love is SACRIFICE!
The secret of sacrifice is to FOLLOW the orders of your wife! |
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Can you believe things people do?
I was sitting next to this guy in church.
In the middle of the mass he lit a cigarette.
I was so shocked I nearly dropped my beer! |
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Teacher: Bangag, why do you rub oil on your head whenever I’m teaching?
Bangag: Kasi, Mam, I heard my mother tell my Daddy: rub oil on the head pag ayaw pumasok! |
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Question: What is the strongest muscle?
Answer: The tongue. It can raise a woman’s hips.
Question: What is the lightest muscle?
Answer: The penis. It can be raised by a tongue. |
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| A girl who opens her hand - receives gifts, opens her heart - receives love, but when she opens her legs - she receives hapPENIS! |
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Madre: Padre, ginaw na ginaw na ako!
Padre: Ako rin, Sister. Gusto mo gawin natin yung ginagawa ng mag-asawa!
Madre: Opo, Father.
Padre: Sigue. Ipagtimpla mo ako ng kape! |
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MR.: Mag-exercise ka para ma-firm yong boobs at puson mo. Pag firm na, tipid ka na sa bra at girdle!
MRS.: Magexercise ka rin. Pag firm na ang bird mo, tipid na tayo sa driver! |
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